Bouts of Attraction

I got to hold your hand yesterday… play with your fingers like I would anyone who is non-verbal that demonstrates a need for sensory stimulation. Index finger up. Index finger down. Middle finger up. Middle finger down. Ring finger up. Ring finger down. Pinky up. Pinky down. And again. I held your iPad up to your ear so you could escape into the long time sun. All love around you. Guide your way on. Ray was there. A poet friend of yours was there - Jack, maybe? The air machine was pumping your body to and fro. You looked as if you were fighting as hard as you could. It was good to see you. Today at work we gathered and built a schedule to be with you. Kate told us that they were going to start chemo on you tonight. I’m not feeling good right now, and can’t safely be in the same room with you. How’s that for bad timing? I came home and googled your name. I found an audio bit where you were being interviewed about assistive technology and American Printing House for the Blind. It was really good to hear your voice. Even if it was only for one out-of-context moment. I’m glad to know your intense presence will persist. A light, you are.

I keep calling the hospital to ask if my friend is still in the ICU. I know that there are two answers to that question, “No.” or “He’s been moved back to room 705.” Today Chrissy cried into our hug and said, “He’s the best person in the world.” Today he brought an unlikely bunch together to meditate in the studio. Today Kate cried. Today I left work early and didn’t talk about it with the people I saw after work. Now, late at night, the wind is perfectly blowing. I can’t stop thinking about him caught in the deep struggle between here and there. He means so much to the concept of goodness-on-Earth. He is Joseph Campbell’s hero. He’s my hero. I want to be more like him. In love. At peace. An inspiration. So humble. I’ll never forget that time you, like so many others before you, created panic in the copy machine. Not sure what you did, you ran away worried that someone might see you. There is an intense innocence and relationship with god that emanates from you. Your receptive matches your expressive and are both excellent. What will we do without you? It will never be the same. Thank you for being in my life.

We have to simultaneously remember and forget that we are going to die.

unsexual:

jesus had only 12 followers

his blog must have sucked so much omfg

(via spaceballs-the-url)